ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
