Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
