I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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