i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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