so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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