I just pynch a tree in the face
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
