They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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