You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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