You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
