So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
