i would punch a child for taco bell
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
