I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
