I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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