Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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