Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
