i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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