saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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