Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
