his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
