We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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