I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
