Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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