Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
