Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
