I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
