youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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