Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
