I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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