At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck appropriateness.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
