Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize