I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
