quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
