I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
