rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
