he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
