Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
try to milk me bitch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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