When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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