Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
