I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
