I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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