I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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