I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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