Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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