Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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50% drunk capacity currently
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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