Can i not drive my cunt home
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
