i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
