That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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