Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
