I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
