So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
