I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
