Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
