evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is classic penis vs brain.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
