you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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