You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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