Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
