We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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