I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
