I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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