So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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