we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
