the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
