if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
