you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
