your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
