What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
