When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize