I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
