she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
