thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
