i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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