is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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