Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
