Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
