I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
