is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
