Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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