I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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