Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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