I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
