idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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