I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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