Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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