I only kidnapped one of them. chill
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i have two assholes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
