I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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