I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
